This Too Shall Pass

As if, I’m dooming and dooming dead every passing day. 

Everything I do, I do wrong.
Everything I have, I have at stake.
Everything I see, I see negativity.

I’m manifestly not able to go good with the flow. Everytime you meet me, I’m that lousy little girl in her twenty something, who has no clue whatsoever. I’ve stopped learning new things. I’ve stopped putting in efforts to be a better person. I’ve stopped growing. I’ve stopped dreaming. I don’t see the spark in my eyes anymore. I’m required to be told what to be done and what not. I tend to ask for gemstones. I’ve started to believe in things I hardly ever considered. I’ve, at times, criticized myself to an extent where I’d be questioning my self being. 

Every person, I suppose, at one point, feels the way I do and I’m not here to be victimised. I’m penning it down to find a way off the chain of thousand terrible thoughts hitting me in the head for days. 

I just wanna breathe, in peace, for a while. 

*Alas, certain commitments to oneself shall be made*

In My Camera

Whenever I scroll through the photography pages on facebook, I imagine how I myself would have clicked & edited the same picture. Although I end up taking a turn for worse with all the tinting, denting n painting I do with the pic in my head (but whatever). I like photography. I like the concept of capturing the moments in this little gizmo called camera. The problem is, I don’t possess one (As in, a professional one). Its not that I professionally would have jumped into photography if I had a Nikon D300, but yes, I sure would have collected some really cool stuff on it. *Obviously*
Perhaps, asking for a camera seems like a convenient option but why shan’t I earn it by myself? Its more fun buying things of your interest on your own. Right?

Hence, potato cameras are all I’ve to do with right now. But again, better late than never.

For now, here’s the list of those hit & miss moments that I would have captured in my Nikon D300 if I had one. (Because it doesn’t cost a penny to build castles in the air)

1) ~Butterfly resting on a bald head.

~Dangling Mistletoe on a merry merry X-mas. (Bieber spotted?!)

~Sunbeams reflecting through the mirror to the face of a sleeping little baby.

~Shimmering stars while a blackout. *Darker the night, brighter the stars*

~Mountains d u r i n g…well, mountains!

2) My parents when praying together closing their eyes, joining their hands.

3) Grandparents playing ludo with their grandchildren.

4) Kids coming out of a yellow school bus, from a picnic.

5) A labour having lunch with his wife and 4 kids on the rooftop in winter.

6) My brother, when sneezing. And then again, when looking back up.

7) My puppy, while staring at the sky from a window when he encounters the rain the first time.

8) A group of friends that goes insane at the last day of college. Like seriously INSANE!!!

And a lot more stuff that I’ve missed out mentioning here, I would have captured there. IN MY CAMERA.

Change changed me

Change is the only constant. It has always been and will always be. Me, as a person, changed. A lot. Although, I’ve always been a reserved kind that going places, meeting people, making friends & hanging out day and night has never been my cup of tea, I changed. I took the cup that was not mine. And I explored places, met random people, made good friends and hung out the least and most with them. Perhaps, this is exactly where life leads us for a social survival. And no matter how I loved staying at home, reading comics, drinking bournvita, watching sitcoms and playing video games, I took myself to school, college and work.
To my wonder, I enjoyed all 3 of them at the fullest.

Had I never adopted no changes, I would never have ended up being a person I today am. Tag it bragging but I’m a girl who can compete with this world. Neck and neck. A girl that is growing and learning and flying and falling and crawling. Day by day. And time is changing me. Slowly and constantly. Because that’s what time does and that’s how things roll. However, that’s that.

Much is good. Too much is too good. Nothing should be too good.

In life, almost everything is new, unusual and exciting till it becomes a routine. A more than happy relationship, too many good friends, a series of excellent days, a luck of leprechaun..or anything that one can ask for. Once we have them, we act as if we had always deserved them. Maybe more than that. Which by the way is not the truth. Sometimes, having too much of something, concludes it to nothingness.

Happiness is a blessing till the time you get too much of it at once. When we get more than what is required, we start taking things for granted. I guess that’s why it’s been said that, “more u have it, more thankless u become.” And while having more than most of this and that, we often forget a simple fact of life, that nothing lasts forever.

Maybe, that’s the reason why everyone of us is cribbing about something or the other. We’re looking through the same lens that magnifies the bad n minimises the good and not to mention, causes disappointment.

So, value everything. Everything, be it superbly amazing or insanely ridiculous, has its own worth, which, if not recognised will soon vanish. If you think you have the best of something, hold on to it. Make an effort to keep it that way. And never get used to happiness.
But yes, Value it. Treasure it. Enjoy it. Every single moment of it. Because in the end, these are the good days that will give you the strength to cope up with the bad ones.

Zindagi Rocks..

Things aren’t perfect. I am still the clumsy old me. I don’t have many people whom I can count on. Most of my old friendships are worn out, the new ones are tough to keep up with. I am not doing great things or crossing milestones everyday. I am moving at a snails pace. Things have been off track for a while now. But, Life Is Good! It is amazing. I have evolved as a person. I am more mature and focused in life than I was ever before. Amidst those bad days, I have my own good little moments which kinda make up for the loss. No one has that perfect life which begins with ‘Once upon a time’ and ends with ‘Happily ever after’. Life begins with ‘Welcome to the struggle’ and ends with ‘You are lucky to have survived the journey’. This is how things go. As we grow up, we learn to accept that we cannot always have everything that we want in life. People are so busy nagging about what ‘could have been’ that they many-a-times fail to notice what ‘actually is’. Life isn’t about that one big moment that brings you fame. It is about millions of those little moments that bring happiness and joy. Another rule of life as we all know, is that nothing is permanent. Happiness won’t last forever, sorrow can’t chase us forever. So, let’s make the most of our good times for they will pass away soon. And let’s smile through the bad times for they aren’t here forever too. Zindagi rocks my friend..let’s make it worth it.

And then I fell in love with TFIOS

Hazel Grace Lancaster: Hello. My name is Hazel Grace Lancaster. And Augustus Waters was the star-crossed love of my life. Ours is an epic love story and I probably won’t be able to get more than a sentence out without disappearing into a puddle of tears. Like all real love stories, ours will die with us, as it should. You know, I’d kind of hoped that he’d be the one eulogizing me, because there is really no one else… Yeah, no, um… I’m not gonna talk about our love story, ’cause I can’t. So instead I’m gonna talk about math. I’m not a mathematician, but I do know this: There are infinite numbers between zero and one. There’s point one, point one two, point one one two, and an infinite collection of others. Of course, there is a bigger set of infinite numbers between zero and two or between zero and a million. Some infinities are simply bigger than other infinities. A writer that we used to like taught us that. You know, I want more numbers than I’m likely to get, and God, do I want more days for Augustus Waters than what he got. But Gus, my love, I can not tell you how thankful I am, for our little infinity. You gave me a forever, within the numbered days. And for that I am… I am eternally grateful. I love you so much.

Augustus Waters: I’m a good person, but a shitty writer. You’re a shitty person, but a good writer. I think we’d make a good team. I don’t wanna ask you for any favors, but if you have the time – and from what I saw you had plenty – please fix this for me: It’s an eulogy for Hazel. She asked me to write one, and I’m trying, but I just… I could use a little flair. See, the thing is… we all wanna be remembered. But Hazel’s different. Hazel knows the truth
She didn’t want a million admirers, she just wanted one. And she got it. Maybe she wasn’t loved widely, but she was loved deeply. And isn’t it more than most of us get? When Hazel was sick, I knew I was dying, but I didn’t wanna say so. She was in the ICU when I snuck in for ten minutes and I just sat with her before I got caught. Her eyes were closed, her skin pale, but her hands were still her hands, still warm, and her nails were painted this dark blue black color, and… I just held them. And I willed myself to imagine a world without us and what a worthless world that would be. She’s so beautiful. You don’t get tired of looking at her. You never worry if she’s smarter than you, ’cause you know she is. She’s funny without ever being mean. I love her. God, I love her, I’m so lucky to love her, Van Houten. You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world, but you do have a say in who hurts you. And I like my choices. I hope she likes hers.

The Fault In My “Stars”

Okay, let’s start with this one thing that people like to talk a load to me about. My Surname.

It’s “Tarey” and for God sake, I AM NOT MARATHI. (Those are lovely people though) I wonder if I had a nickel for everytime being asked if I was a marathi, how much money would I be making and why exactly?

Well in angrejji, ‘Tarey’ means ‘Stars’.. Remember, the little diamonds up in the sky?

And inspite of me having ‘Tarey’ as a last name, I do not get to be one of the diamonds in the sky. U see..gravity always drags me down.

It makes me realize one thing which by the way is stupid but since most of the things I tend to say are stupid, so it makes me realize, that your name (or surname) doesn’t change a thing. Its you and your efforts that can make a difference.

Anywho, I don’t have no good reason to keep relating my surname to one of my dreams.

 My dream..to resist gravity. I wanna fly over the stars and make friends with them. (before death yea)

Sure its a long way run but Miley says “Life is a climb but the view is great”

 And since I’m so in love with HIMYM these days, let’s hear it in Ted Mosby’s style…

“Kids, the dreams are effortless but success, is sleepless.”